


the struggle

by Shamelessly_Radiant



Series: Original Poetry [2]
Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 09:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shamelessly_Radiant/pseuds/Shamelessly_Radiant





	

I'm just tired all the time

And not who I want to be.

I don't think about dying

(But sometimes I do)

 

Sometimes I become who I want to be

Just for a moment

But it is exhausting

 

I think: this is meant for someone else

I am the one who will always be standing on the sidelines

Wanting to be that someone else

 

And we wait for something to pass us by

While the only thing that passes by

Is life

 

I don't think about dying

I really don't

I've never considered suicide

But I cut myself once

(I didn't like it, at all.

                     I looked at the blood and felt empty

                                                    and then I disinfected it and continued on.)

 

And on

And on

 

And I am tired

And I do think about just sleeping the whole time

Just staying in bed

Don't doing any effort anymore

And I think: will anyone notice? Will anyone care?

 

What is this about anyway?

This mess of a world?

This mess of a life?

Where people die, and people suffer, and animals go extinct, and animals suffer, and it spirals on.

 

This is not a poem.

Because maybe I can't even do that right.

Or maybe I don't want to put the effort in.

Or maybe I don't feel like I'm able to?

 

What is this about anyway?

What is the point of it?

This endless pursuit of love.

And that elusive thing called happiness.

 

Is this a depression than?

But some days I feel like I can take on the world, carry it single-handedly

 

And other times I can't handle it at all

 

And I feel like I will be always stuck in second gear

 

I'm tired

I don't know the name of this

I'm just hoping it will be over tomorrow

I'm just hoping it will stay away for some time

Before it comes back to visit me

(Like it always does)

 

I hope someday I will be able to keep it out

I hope someday it will decide to no longer visit me

I hope someday I will learn it is okay to not be okay

I hope someday I will learn to be okay

I hope someday I will learn to love myself

I hope someday I will stop holding myself back

I hope someday I will realise that maybe I am some kind of beautiful

I hope someday I will realise that maybe I deserve the world

 

But today

is not that day


End file.
